How to breakup

Dear Taryn,
What is the best way to break up with my girlfriend?

There are a few components that you should be sure to include in your breakup.
Do it in public. If you do it in private she could twist it all around and could cause you some major inconveniences. She might be real pissed and could build you up to be a real jerk. She might say that you said things that you definitely didnt say which would mean that you will never, ever be able to date any of her friends; she might even wreck your chances with complete strangers. So, definitely do it in public.
Dont say its not you, its me. Just be honest. She's clingy, annoying, dumb, boring, controlling, greedy, entirely too talkative, demanding and whiny being around her is just plain painful. Tell her that. This will prevent any problems with the break-up. She probably won't beg you to stay with her. Itll be a one shot, 5 minute break-up.
Do it at her work. This will be good for both of you. She'll be nice and embarrassed and you'll get to do it in front of a whole bunch of her single co-workers, which if youre decent looking, should pull in a whole bunch of prospects for future girlfriends for you! For her, it'll save her some time. She wont have to explain it to everyone, because they'll already know! See, it'll be great for both of you!

Hope this works out. Let me know how it goes.

-TARYN.