Juvenile delinquency

Dear Taryn,

A while ago some kids committed a really bad crime in my town and the trial is about to start. I feel like there has been a lot of news in recent years about kids (and people in general) commiting a lot of crime, violent and non-violent. Why are people acting this way?

Don't you know that the problems are all the result of our capitalist society. You are to blame for this. You make too much money, keep to much of it for yourself and don't pay enough in taxes. If you would just give more money to the government they could spend it on programs to help those who have very little money. They could get an education (which they so clearly want with the national high school dropout rate hovering around 33% of students) and lots of other assistance. If you would just pay more to help cover their food and rent they wouldn't need to commit crimes just to survive. We can't all thrive on 45 hour work week...some of us just need to be babied a little more. So in short, you should just go ahead and volunteer to contribute more of your paycheck to taxes so that these awesome government run programs can get bigger and better.

-TARYN

Death in the family

Taryn,

My parents got divorced a long time ago and my mom died a few years after that. Recently my dad died and I think that I should bury his ashes next to my mom because they didn't get remarried or anything and they deserve to be together. What do you think?

Well, that would be a good question if instead you were asking me "Taryn, my parents divorced and both happened to slip into comas and I don't know if I should put them in the same hospital room. What would happen if they woke back up and realized that they were in the same room?" But you're not asking that. You're asking what to do with the ashes of someone who is DEAD. It doesn't matter because they are both dead. It's not like they're going to wake up tomorrow morning and roll over in bed and see that their previous spouse was lying there next to them. They're not waking up again, so it'll never be an issue. My advice - do it as cheap as possible, they won't remember it anyways.

-TARYN

Call for new questions

Ok, so that was the last question that I answered for the old column. I'm ready to go as soon as I have some new questions, so send all of your problems my way and I'll start working hard to help you be the best you can be! I'm looking forward to hearing from all of you.

-TARYN

Putting cat to sleep

Dear Taryn, I got this cat, Chocolate, when I was a baby...so it's almost as old as I am. I just found out today she lost her mind, thinks the stove is a litter box, and she's being put to sleep. How do I deal with this trajedy?

Thanks for the question. Well, yes it certainly is a tragedy that you have had a cat for your entire life and that you kept it long enough that it could really, really start screwing things up at your house. I'm shocked that you haven't had more problems with this filthy animal. The best advice that I can give you would be for you to immediately go out, get a really awesome dog, spend a LOT, I mean A LOT of time with it and hope that it washes away all memories of that horrible little animal that you once called a pet.
-TARYN

Can't understand my professors

Taryn, why are 90% of my professors at wpi foreign? I can't understand them.

This has been in the news a lot lately. With the recent developments in illegal immigration debates we've heard a lot about foreigners working for less than Americans. The reason you can't understand your professors is that foreigners work for less than Americans. (Even the legal ones in this case.) Sometimes people think of schools like MIT (or even our very own WPI) and see how many foreigners there are and connect an accent with a high level of intelligence - really this isn't true. It's just that the colleges are cheap and want cheap labor. If you want a really good education you should probably try the schools with tons of professors who speak clear English. Definitely. Maybe I'll transfer out of WPI now.
-TARYN

Living with my parents

Dear Taryn, I have a problem. I'm trying to finish college near my parents' house so I'm living at home until I eventually make money. My mom does my laundry and puts it away for me. I think there have been a few times when she found some magazines that I wouldn't really want to show my mom. What do I do?

Ok, I'm not really sure what the question is here. Is the question:

à à Question: Why am I a leech who is still sucking off my parents when I should be a self sustaining 23 year old?
Answer: I don't know, why are you trying to leech advice off of me for such a dumb situation? You're 23, figure it out yourself. Get up, get to school, get a job on the side, get an apartment and be a productive member of society.

Or, could your question be:
à à Question: Why am I going to school so close to home?
Answer: Well, I too go to a school that is only about 20 minutes from my parents' house, but the close proximity to home was just a coincidence, it's a good engineering school. I hope you're in this situation. I hope you didn't just go to a crappy school close to home because you aren't that bright. If this is the situation, though, you should probably quit. If I knew your major I'd be able to help a little more. If its something useless, definitely just quit now. If there's a chance that youd make more money working at McDonalds, then just go ahead and work there for the rest of your life, you probably won't be very successful at anything else anyways SINCE YOUR MOM IS STILL DOING YOUR LAUNDRY. Seriously, I dont like to lower the self-esteem of my readers since I like to see you succeed, but I really fear that in your situation there's really not much of a chance of you having a successful career anyways. Sorry for the bad news.

The last possible question that I think you could be asking is:
à à Question: What do I do about this whole situation with my mom seeing this slightly awkward reading material?
Answer: That's a stupid question. Figure it out yourself.

-TARYN

Old men's ears

Why do old men have hairy ears?

Surprisingly enough there is a very good reason for this; actually two reasons. You might call it hybrid hair. The first reason is to keep them warm. Sometimes ears get cold, so naturally by the time a guy is really old his ears start to get smart and they grow hair to keep themselves warm. The second purpose is because bugs might mistake alive old men for dead old men and nobody wants to bugs to get all inside them when they're still alive, so the ear hair protects that fragile orifice from becoming overtaken by stinky, annoying bugs.

-TARYN

Workplace footwear

Dear Taryn, I work in a library/Information center. Because a computer moniter fell on a co-workers head, our supervisor sent out an email this morning requiring everyone to NOT wear flip-flops...but I abhor shoes. Any suggestions? ~Sarah Dawn

Ok, you have a few options here. I like lists today, so Ill make a list.

1. Blatantly defy your supervisor. Wear flip flops. When your supervisor says:
"What the hell - why are you wearing flip flops?"
You can say "I just felt like wearing flip flops."
Just go ahead and pretend like you didnt get the email.
2. Wear other sandals. Get some Birkenstocks or something. Those are not called flip flops. Its their fault for not clarifying the issue.
3. You could just not go to work.

-TARYN

How to breakup

Dear Taryn,
What is the best way to break up with my girlfriend?

There are a few components that you should be sure to include in your breakup.
Do it in public. If you do it in private she could twist it all around and could cause you some major inconveniences. She might be real pissed and could build you up to be a real jerk. She might say that you said things that you definitely didnt say which would mean that you will never, ever be able to date any of her friends; she might even wreck your chances with complete strangers. So, definitely do it in public.
Dont say its not you, its me. Just be honest. She's clingy, annoying, dumb, boring, controlling, greedy, entirely too talkative, demanding and whiny being around her is just plain painful. Tell her that. This will prevent any problems with the break-up. She probably won't beg you to stay with her. Itll be a one shot, 5 minute break-up.
Do it at her work. This will be good for both of you. She'll be nice and embarrassed and you'll get to do it in front of a whole bunch of her single co-workers, which if youre decent looking, should pull in a whole bunch of prospects for future girlfriends for you! For her, it'll save her some time. She wont have to explain it to everyone, because they'll already know! See, it'll be great for both of you!

Hope this works out. Let me know how it goes.

-TARYN.

Roommate's cat

My roommate's cat is urinating on my tv but my roommate refuses to believe she "George" would do such a thing. I've been trying to be polite about it, but a couple nights ago I got home at 4am and found the cat defecating on my surround sound speakers! What should I do? -Mike

Well, first of all there are two major problems with this situation - first of all, the cat is a girl and it is named George. George is a boy's name. This is a problem. The second and most important problem is that you moved in with someone who has a cat. Cats should be a big fat fricken red flag. Dont move in with someone who has a cat. They probably suck. Cats suck, so Ill give you a little Boolean Logic Example

In this example: -> means If P is true then Q is true.
P = person x has a cat
Q = person x sucks

P->Q. This means:
If person x has a cat then person x sucks. This is the method that I usually use to choose a room mate. You obviously didnt follow this logic, because you live with someone who has a cat and in turn SUCKS. I have to admit that Im a little disappointed in you for not thinking before you chose a roommate. Anyways, onto the advice. You should probably kill the cat. The easiest way would be to leave live, open wires on the speakers and let it pee on them. Death should be pretty imminent and itll then be pretty darn obvious that the cat had been peeing on your speakers at which point you should punch and kick your roommate.

-TARYN.

Girls and roommates

Hey Taryn, I have two questions:

Why do girls never let a guy know how she feels? I thought they were supposed to be in touch with their feminine side.

If you dont already understand, Im not telling you.

_______________________________________________

Also, does having a super-gay roommate make me gay?

YES.

-TARYN

Locker rooms

Taryn, in the gym locker rooms at work, a lot of women (mostly older women) think it's okay to walk around completely naked in front of others. I don't like this...what should I do? - Beth

Well, Beth, I have thought this over long and hard and have come to the conclusion that you might need to start wretching and dry heaving whenever you see this filth. Some people will tell you that it is immature to act like this, however in my opinion it is immature to not realize that nobody wants to see your filthy, wrinkled body and that if youre too dumb to realize that then you should be made as uncomfortable as the people who are being exposed to your nasty body. This should clear up the problem in no time at all.
-TARYN

Air travel

Hey Taryn, I have a question for you... being a frequent traveler, why is it that large (or sometimes called "people with girth") always end up sitting next to me on a plane and ooze all over and into my seat? Thanks for your help!!

This is an unfortunate situation because the options available to you for recourse are not great. One option is to be mean to them. I have generally found this to be successful, however every so often Ill find myself in a bit of a legal bind with lawsuits being brought against me for harassment. The second option is much less harmful to your reputation. Im not sure that you remember what I looked like about a year ago, but just incase Ill tell you what I looked like. Nasty. I weighed about 30 lbs. more than I do now. The reason I gained those 30 lbs after high school was that I was traveling frequently and I found that I was being swallowed by the girths which were spilling into my seat. So, I decided that the only logical solution was to gain a lot of weight and beat these people at their own game. I decided that if I was going to get to have my own personal space that I was going to have to make people flee from my general vicinity. If you choose to gain the weight as I did, I must warn you that it doesnt feel very good and you will spend a lot of money on new clothes. Eventually my traveling was reduced and I decided that I no longer needed to carry this extra weight, so I lost the weight and am now back to about my high school size.
-TARYN

A bunch of questions: Taryn's wisdom, ugliness, left-handed smoke shifters

taryn... I have four questions...first off I'd like to say I am a big fan of your column and have in fact written in a few questions myself...you really helped my dating scene out a lot...

So, my first question how are you so good at answering our questions...?

Wow, now that I look back at all of the advice that Ive given over the past month I realize that I really am good at answering all sorts of questions. To become such a wise person with amazing communication skills, one must be very introspective, much like me. Before answering your questions I sit down and think to myself Taryn, you are perfect, give it everything youve got. That usually does the trick.

__________________________________

secondly...are you ever wrong...??

Thats easy. No.

_______________________________________________

Thirdly...how does a "left-handed smoke shifter" work...?

I think you may have thought that you could fool me. You cant. Im just so smart, I know every trick in the book.

______________________________________________________

and for my final question: why is it that skinny attractive girls seems to be aware of what looks good on them and waht doesn't...where as nasty girls seem to be unaware of this and wear very unflattering clothes that show off the nastiness in places that make babies cry...???

Remember back in high school when a teacher gave a test and there were like 4 versions of it? There would be a multiple choice answer sheet and it never failed that thered be a real smart kid and then a real dummy would sit near him and copy all of the answers directly from the smart kids answer sheet, not realizing that he had been given a different version of the test. Well, this is just like that. Theres a real hot girl (shes the smart kid) and theres a real nasty looking person (thats the stupid kid.) The hot girl wears some super hot clothes. The nasty one doesnt really know much about fashion, so she decides that the hot girl looks real great in her clothes, so the nasty one decides to copy the clothes just like the dummy copying form the smart kids answer sheet. Since the nasty one doesnt have that same super hot body, she looks highly offensive in the clothes. See how clear analogies make all of lifes situations!?

__________________________

thank you for your time and effort on answering these questions....your column is the best of the best... David

Im sure that youll benefit greatly from all of my answers.
-TARYN

REVIEW!!!!

Advice Colunn
Well, my advice column received its first official review today. On June 16, 2006 at 6:44am, Elizabeth Duffy Said:

"taryn i like your advice section. you are so wise."

So, keep reading and lets get moving with the questions. You all seem to not be carrying your weight again. I cant give good advice if you aren't asking for any. As surprising as this may be, I'm not a mind reader.
- TARYN

Women...manipulative?

Dear Taryn,

I want to know why women are more manipulative then men.

If I understand your question correctly you are asking "why are so many relationships manipulative?" Thats easy, people need things. The woman is using her goods to get other goods which are usually money or gifts. The man is letting her have the money and gifts so that he can get a hot girl. You dont often see rich men with ugly women or hot women with poor men. The way to tell if a relationship is a shallow manipulative relationship is to examine the looks of each member of the relationship:
Scenario 1: Is the woman good looking? If so, is the man good looking? If he is not good looking then he's probably rich resulting in a relationship which is based off of mutual manipulation and greed.
Scenario 2: Is the woman good looking? If so, is the man good looking? If he is then its a healthy relationship.
Scenario 3: Is the woman ugly? If so, is the man ugly? If they are both ugly then it's a healthy relationship.
But really, I think the question should be "why do people break up?" Well, Brian, people break up usually because there's someone in the relationship who isn't pulling his or her weight. I think that really is the question you were trying to ask.
-TARYN

anonimity, women, dating

Hey Taryn, I have a few questions for you. Here they are:

Are these anonymous?

Sure. If you want them to be. For now Ill make everything anonymous. If anyone wants their questions to not be anonymous just let me know and Ill add your name in my answers which are posted in my blog.

______________

Second question: Lets say you work in the engineering field and want to date, how would one go about meeting women, when your place of business has none?

Well, if I was a man and wanted to pick up some hot girls at work the first thing I would do would be to look really hot. Id probably get tall and lots of muscles (well maybe just toned is good) and then Id carry around a lot of money so that girls thought I was rich. Then Id probably come to work in a helicopter. But if there arent really any hot girls at your work you should probably quit your job and go to a temp agency and get a job temping as a secretary or something. You will seem SUPER smart for a secretary and girls love smart guys, also secretaries are usually the good looking people in the office the smarter ones tend to not be so hot. If none of these suggestions sound good to you, maybe looking at church or an online dating service could work. Between you and me, though, Id recommend throwing that engineering degree out the window and changing jobs.

______________________________

Third question: Why dont women make sense?

Ok, to explain this Ill have to start by explaining women. Many of the actions carried out by women may be a result of their hormones. Starting at infancy girls have all their parts and chemicals which can make girls stupid and moody. Im a girl so I can say that. You probably shouldnt say that unless you want a moody girl to kick you. At puberty there are major changes (we all know these so I wont go into detail) but the changes take somewhere around 4 years to complete. 4 years is a long time to be hanging in limbo between childhood and adulthood thats probably one reason that women are so moody. They were confused for 4 whole years! Girls have all of the equipment necessary for puberty from birth but its pretty much useless until the light switch gets turned on in the pre teen years. 12 years with useless partsthats also a long time. Imagine if your car had an extra 500 hp that it couldnt use for the first 12-15 years of its existence! Itd be really miserable. Then at the end of puberty the girl doesnt know what to do after having been moody for like 18 years. Now the moods are engrained in her very being, so shes pretty much going to be difficult for her entire life. Then they are like 55 and they start to change again. Theyre not like they were since they were 12theyre pretty much regressing to how they were pre-puberty. Theyre like 10 year olds trapped in a 55 year old body. Well, that cant be much fun with all that extra fat and stuff. The fat and stuff makes the women hot and miserable (and of course nobody likes being sweaty and uncomfortable) so again they become even harder to understand. Ok, so I hope that clears everything up for you. The only real way to deal with women when they dont make sense is to pretend like theyre right and just whisper rude comments when they arent listening. I am not a moody woman, so nobody ever needs to struggle to understand me. I am one of the very few girls who are pretty much perfect. Its really too bad that not all girls are more like me. Yeah, I am pretty awesome.

Your helpful friend - TARYN

Appropriate concealed weapons

Taryn, Im happy you mentioned that question in the introduction to your blog - what type of weapon would look best under my tight red leather mini-skirt?

Well, ***** (Im going to not use names for now youll see why in the next question)*** I have a few suggestions for you. Theres always the trusty nunchucks since they are lots of fun to whip around but they do take lots of skill. So, really Id have to recommend the P90 Submachine Gun. Here is a picure (http://www.fnhusa.com/contents/tw_p90.htm .) My reason for choosing this gun is that you are most likely wearing a tight skirt when out for a night on the town in which case you should be prepared with a weapon that is suitable for fighting in close quarters. The P90 is a great choice for this situation, not to mention its lovely balance between rounded and square edges. Its sure to look great under any tight skirt and the boys love a girl who can protect herself! Hopefully this is helpful.
-TARYN

Lazy co-worker

Dear Taryn,
I recently got a good job but the girl who sits in the cubicle next to me only works like 2 hours every day even though she's there for like 8 or 9. She talks on IM all day and hangs out a lot. Should I tell on her? How has she not been fired already?

Well, *******, she has probably figured out the key to success in a large corporation is to dress in really hot clothes and look really cute every day and nobody will care what you do. Just put enough work in so that nobody can actually say that you do nothing and youll cruise on through life on your good looks and cute clothes.


I hope my advice has helped you all so far! Keep the questions coming and I'll keep helping you be the best you can be.
-TARYN

Friendship turns into romance.

Dear Taryn,
Theres this guy who Ive been friends with since before middle school. This month he asked me out like 3 times. When we were in middle school he said that he prefers to only go out with girls one time so that he doesnt get bored. He said that he'd only go out with a girl more than once if she was the girl he was going to marry. Does this mean that I am the one he wants to marry?

Hey *******,
Well, do you have a ring on your finger? NO. He obviously isnt that into you if youve known him since elementary school and youve only been on 3 dates. Hes just gotten desperate now that high school is coming to an end. He probably just ran out of girls to date one time and decided that you were good enough for the time being. Im sure hell move onto another girl once he goes to college in the fall.
-TARYN

Jealous sister

Dear Taryn,
My sister said you wouldnt respond to a question that I sent you. Is this true?

She probably only said that because she is ugly and a loser and just wants to make you feel as badly about yourself as she feels about herself. So you should tell her that I did respond to you and what you should do to prove to her that you are awesome is to have her write to me and I will not respond to her. That should put her in her place and remind her that you are the cool sister and that nobody likes her.
-TARYN

Cats or dogs

Dear Taryn,
Which are better, cats or dogs?

Dear *********,
Cats are stupid and they like to scratch. Dogs are cool. How many cats have you known who have cool names like Buddy or Jake? Probably none. Cats always have stupid names and that is because they are stupid.

TARYN

Baldness

Dear Taryn,
I have a question about guys hairstyles. I am going bald and a while ago I started to shave my head smooth bald for a cooler look. I started getting a lot of attention from the ladies when i started with this style. But lately Ive found that girls are into guys with lots of thick hair. Is bald no longer good cool?

Hey *********,
I appreciate knowing that you value my opinion. That said, bald has always been out. Voluntary baldness has been popular on and off over the years, however balding men are just plain creepy. If you are trying to pick up girls who are too young to like a man who is old enough to be going bald then you are an old, creepy man. You should just hold onto the memories of the years when girls thought you were really shaving your head to look edgy and not because you were an old nasty man. You probably wont be getting many girls anymore, so just hold onto the past and accept that youll be alone for the rest of your life. I wish there was a brighter future in store for you, but theres not.
-TARYN

Big Problem...or not really that big at all.

Dear Taryn,
I have a big problem. My friend and I like the same guy, what should I do?

Hey ********, First of all, thats not a big problem - a big problem is like "I'm dying" or "my family doesn't love me" or "I got arrested" this is a little inconvenience...actually more of a minor annoyance. But, there are a few ways that you could deal with this situation. The first (and most boring way) would be to have a heart to heart with your friend. The two of you could come to an understanding that this boy is off limits for both of you because your friendship is more important. BUT if youre asking what I WOULD DO, I would punch her in the nose and rub smelly eggs all over her clothes so that she was very ugly and smelly. That way she wouldnt stand a chance with this guy unless you are really ugly already.

-TARYN

Three Quesitons: First date, dumb girls, oprah

Dear Taryn, I have THREE questions for you. They are all important so please answer them to the best of your ability.

1. Is it a bad thing to take a girl out to Taco Bell for a first date?? If yes, then what are so good places...If No what is good vs. bad to order...

That is a very good question. As with most things in life, dating follows the you get what you pay for rule. If you take a girl to Taco Bell on a first date, youre going to get a cheap, easy and dirty relationship. Taco bell is inexpensive, easily accessible and dirty. Some people are into dirty relationships. If a dirty and cheap relationship strikes your fancy, then Id say go for it! Ok, now for what item off this wildly expansive menu you should choose. If you want to represent your relationship or this girl through your food selection Id recommend a Grande Soft Taco. The girl is nice and clean on the outside, much like the nice soft wrap then you get to the soft and luscious layer of melted/liquid cheese which represents her soft and tender being. Then you get to another stable layer of soft taco shell which represents the fact that she is a strong, reliable person on the inside then you get to the taco meat/lettuce/cheese goodness which represents everything else good inside of her. So, go for the grande soft taco and enjoy the date!

2. Why do women claim to be smart...strive to prove to you that they are smart...push themselves as hard as they can through school, so that the world can see just how smart they are...then begin a conversation with you by saying, "Ok, I don't want you to think I'm stupid, but...I did the dumbest thing today and i just need to tell you..."

The girls who say that arent smart, they are stupid.

and finally the most difficult question ever... 3. Why is Oprah so great? Is it a woman thing...a fat thing or a black thing? or a "non-of the above thing..."

Well, Dave, this is just another example of the lies and deceit presented to you by the media. They have worked for years to convince you that Oprah is great where really shes just another dumb person who just so happened to get a tv show. If you met her (like I did) you too would be awakened to the fact that Oprah is just not great.

Smoking car

Dear Taryn,
My car is blowing out smoke and the brakes don't work. I don't want to sound dumb, but I don't know...should I be driving it??

Well, Beth, that is a very good question. The brakes not working does pose a bit of a problem, however the blowing out of smoke is certainly a good sign. You may ask Why is that, Taryn? I thought that smoke coming from a car was generally not a good sign. Well, although it may be indicative of some sort of a problem it does mean that your car is currently running or was recently running. You dont own a completely broken car! It also means that your engine is getting warm enough for smoke to come from the engine or for that brake fluid to burn off due to contact with the exhaust. So, in my opinion the smoke is a GOOD sign. Oh, and if that smoke for some reason isnt a result of the brake problem, maybe you dont have any oil in which case your engine is overheating and eventually will seize up that should put a stop to the no brakes issueyoull probably be stopping real well. But, anyways, as long as you can make that car of yours move, KEEP DRIVING IT and enjoy the summer.I did discuss this problem with one of my co-advisors and in his opinion the smoke might actually be the soul of the car escaping. So, you might want to look into that as a possibility as well.
Your trusty expert on life -
TARYN

Family Communication

Taryn,
Im 15 and my mom doesnt seem to know that I go out with boys. A couple weeks ago she told her friends that Im different that most teenage kids and Im not into boys. Why does she think that Im either too young to date, or why does she think that Im not dating?

Ouch! I think you have this one all wrong. Today Im in the mood to ask questions in my responses, so Ill ask you a question first. Do you dress like a boy? I think youre portraying yourself as being into girls. She did say that youre different and not into boys. I think you might be coming across a little not straight. You might want to wear some skirts or makeup for a few days if you want her to think that you are actually into boys. If not, then whatever, you dont have to make any changes, but if you do want to clarify that then youre going to have to show a little leg or take some time on some makeup.
-TARYN

As always, keep the questions coming and I'll keep responding with the best advice on earth.

Grandma isn't blind.

Question:
Hey Taryn - I have 2 kids and my sister also has 2 kids. My mom clearly shows preference to my sisters kids and she even gets them better gifts for their birthdays and holidays. Its not like we live far away and my sister lives close so she knows the kids better - we all live in the same town. I asked her why she acted like that and she said that Im just imagining the whole situation. Whats going on here?

Answer:
Well, lets start with a question for you. Are your kids ugly? Id be willing to guess that they are. So, Ill now clarify what she meant when she said that you were imagining the whole situation. She meant: you are imagining that you kids are cute and that they deserve the same treatment as your sisters cute kids. Ok? Take a little while to mull this all over and let me know if you think this might be the real situation.
-TARYN

Question 1: What does Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's death mean?

Dear Taryn,
What does Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's death mean?

(This was written in June, 2006 - Just in case you don't remember who al-Zarqawi was you can read about him here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abu_Musab_al-Zarqawi)

Well, depends on whose opinion you want. If you ask someone in Al-Quieda, theyd probably tell you that there are 40 fewer virgins today. But, if you are asking for Taryns opinion, which Id assume you are since youre writing to me for advice or for my opinion, I'd have to say that it pretty much means that you wont be receiving any phone calls from him anytime soon, he wont be winning the lottery, he wont be vacationing to the Bahamas, he wont star in any movies, he wont go on any hot dates, he wont be doing any more terrorizing, he wont be buying any more of those dresses that he wears, he wont be buying a sweet new Prodrive P2, he wont be attending the autocross that Ill be at this weekend, he wont be stopping at the Burger King drive-thru today for lunch (or dinner), he wont go for a sunset walk tonight, he wont be riding on any camels, he wont be pumping my gas at the gas station when I go there after work today, he wont be teaching any of my classes in the fall and he wont be going to Chuck E. Cheese. But there is one thing he will do - he will be dead. Yey! Im pretty sure I am allowed to be happy about his death without being called a mean person. Well, you can call me a mean person, I am a little mean, but you cant say that Im mean for being happy about his death. TARYN

Introduction

There was a time in my life when I was the author of a highly successful advice column, however my busy life forced me to put column on the backburner. I recently started to miss that part of my life and being that I'm done with school, I have a plethora a free time on my hands! It seemed like a no-brainer to start helping everyone again! Just in case you didn't keep up with my advice column I will provide the old content for you in a separate post. Here was the original introduction:

I think I have a plan for the direction in which my blog is going to go. I do know a lot of things, in fact I'm pretty much an expert in almost every field imaginable. Im going to start a Q&A section of my blog. You, the reader, will submit questions and I, the expert in nearly all fields, will post respond with answers. These questions can be anything. You could ask me for advice on nearly any aspect of life including, but (not limited to) dating, fashion, household cleaning, medical advice, what sort of concealed weapon would look best under your tight mini-skirt, etc. You could ask questions about history, technology, politics, science, artreally anything. Well, lets steer clear of SciFi I dont really like that stuff. But anything else is fine. So, start submitting questions and Ill post the answers to all of your questions and problems. My advice will make all of your wildest dreams come true."